The first talk of Thursday was amazing. Listening to Sheri Dew speak was worth the trip down. I could have gone home right after that talk. One quote she shared from President Howard W. Hunter went something along the lines of, "If you live a Christ-centered life, nothing will go permanently wrong. If you don't, nothing will go permanently right." Wayne and I talk about how we have the touch of crap. If something is going to go wrong, it will. If we didn't have bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all. This was hope for me.
I had been struggling with some severe battles of depression and anxiety since before Christmas. Getting out of bed was tough. Some days, I didn't. January came and I was starting to feel better. February came and I was thrown for a loop. A family crisis pushed me over the edge and I was barely hanging on by my fingernails. There were days where I wanted to let go and give up. March came and it wasn't getting better. I received an e-mail from a family member that seemed to push me farther and farther into despair. One day, Oaklee came in and reminded me that we couldn't eat chips for dinner everyday. I was failing in all areas. On Easter Sunday, I sat down with my bishop and asked for help and advice. How was I to make it when I felt like such a failure. I was not making it as a mom, wife, daughter or friend. He gave me permission to let things go. It was a huge relief for me. A weight had been lifted off of my shoulders that had been sitting there for too long. What an appropriate time to realize that the Savior was there to help me and I could let him take my pain and suffering. He had made that choice for me and for everyone.
Back to Women's Conference...Mindy and I had volunteered to help my cousin Stacy with a service station making wheelchair and walker bags to be donated to a group that needed them. I was walking back from lunch to my assigned shift and I got a call from Wayne. He told me that he would be losing his job starting July 1st. Normally, when tragedy strikes, I would fall into a panic but not that day. I was able to be calm and share with him what I learned that morning from Sheri Dew. Nothing will go permanently wrong. We would make it through this. We were trying to live a Christ-centered life. Wayne went to the temple every week. We were trying to be better at scripture study and family home evening. Peace filled my heart even when the tears fell down my face.
Elder Cook spoke to us at the last part of the conference about blessings. He said that we were promised to "prosper in the land". I always thought that this meant material blessings. Like money or things or not struggling when it came to paying your bills. But he said that was not it. Having the spirit in your life was prospering in the land. Having been baptized at 20, I remember what it is like to not have the spirit in my life on a continual basis. I remember the day when I knew what the Holy Ghost felt like. I don't want to not have it in my life. We could still prosper even when we struggled with our crazy, bad luck life.
Another thing that was shared was about our children, especially our older children. I have learned that I have a tendency to be "overbearing" with my children. I thought I was being helpful and supportive. Apparently, it was too helpful and supportive. I was trying to rescue them. The quote was, "You don't need to be a savior to your child. They already have one." That is huge for me. I love my kids so much and want to be there for them so they don't have to suffer or struggle. They have to learn and they already have someone to take away their pain and suffering. I just need to be the mom and love them.
I love my kids and family so much. I don't know what I would do without them. As I think about things not going wrong, I need to remember that there is hope. There is always tomorrow. There will be a rainbow after the storm. I can do hard things. Someday it will be right again!
