Stop spinning!!!!!

Things just got a little crazier.  Yesterday at work, I got a phone call that Marlee had been in a car accident.  As I speed to the scene, not able to get in touch with her, I think the worst.  Luckily, no one was injured except for Marlee's knee.  Her car not so lucky.  Yesterday and this morning as I thought of how lucky we were and how bad it could have been, tears flowed and I counted my blessings.

This afternoon, panic is setting in as I realize that we are down a car and a driver.  I work for 7 more days and Oaklee starts swim team practice every morning at 9am.  Noah has chess and Marlee works two days a week.  How is this going to work with our evening schedules and everything else?  All I want to do is climb in bed and eat double stuff oreos and diet coke.

I did not eat the oreos.  I did have a couple pieces of bacon and the diet coke but am trying to patiently deal with the chaos without the meltdown.  I am only one person.  I can do this.  Yes I can!

Just a sprinkle in life

My life is crazy. I joke at work that I am like a sprinkler moving chick, chick, chick and then oh wait back to where I started. Jokingly, I say that my grass is not burning up but is not lush and green either. The sad thing is that it really is not a joke. I feel like I don't do anything well because I am doing too many things. But I don't know what to give up. So I feel guilt. Guilt is not a good thing. It is something that makes me wonder what is my purpose in life when I know darn well what my purpose is. I am a mother to three beautiful children. I am a wife to a husband who loves me even when I just move from thing to thing and don't know where I am going. I am a daughter of parents who have touched my life in amazing ways. I know where I am going and I know how to get there. I just need to focus and not be so hard on myself. While reading a blog babymakingmachine.blogspot.com, she talked about a conference that she went to and what she learned. These were her main points. -Give your mentors permission to be completely honest with you. -Stop trying to be perfect at everything and worry about what REALLY matters to your family. -It's not a race. There are not finish lines where we're going. -Take risks, and always feel a little uncomfortable in your job (it'll push you to get better). -Define your own success and don't let anyone elses vision dictate your own. This struck with me and I hope that I can do my best because that is all I can do and let the rest go instead of festering inside and causing harm to my body and soul.

Have I Done Any Good? Official Music Video ft. Alex Boye & Carmen Rasmus...

Today, I was thinking that I am not a very good server.  I helped yesterday with Marlee's prom and complained about the person in charge because she wasn't as organized as I would have been and I felt she was wasting my time as well as others time.  I should have realized that I was there to help my friends that were in charge.  I should have thought about how I was doing it so my beautiful daughter and her friends could have had a wonderful experience.  Instead, I was selfish and thought about myself.  I need to think about doing good in the world instead of my crazy selfish existence.

Why the change?

About 6 years ago, I had an eye-opening experience, I was too fat for my kids. I couldn't keep up with them and I was going to die. We were on a family vacation and I was literally praying for life flight to come and rescue me on a hike. The only thing that saved me was thinking of my kids going back to school and asking what happened over summer vacation, they would have to answer that their mom died on a hike. I made it up the hill, not without a lot of sweat and tears. Fast forward to today. I have lost 48 pounds and still have 42 to go. I know that I am going to die if I don't take care of myself. This is my life and I need to live it. I think a lot of changes have been made but I am now in it for the long haul.

New Year New Me

Well, it is time. I have tried everything to get to a healthy body. I have done every diet known to man. I have had weight loss surgery and that has been my most successful thing. I am excited for a new year to focus on me and use my tool that I have been blessed with. This is my year. This is my accountability. I am going to be a healthy, happy person and that is my goal!